EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS NEGOTIATION.
With others, with oneself, with the world.
We can only be grateful, my fellow readers,
for every morning that we wake up in good health, with a smart mind, and the will to live, laugh and love.
07 MARCH · 2024
And even if some of you don’t feel a certain kind of love at the moment, or experience an overall health, or feel joyful, there can never be reason enough not to be grateful for what we have and what we can make from it, once we put our minds into it.
We all believe to some extend, that there is a chance for peace and love and wealth and growth, for we all get up in the morning and rise and work and get together and continue our path — obviously in good faith. Despite the fears, the worries, the sorrows and unforeseeable dangers our communities and countries face.
You cannot make something out of nothing. But you can make everything out of something. I said it before and I will say it again as often as necessary, until even the last of us found sense and meaning in this law, and until even the last of us makes use of it. For it is time to step up. It is time not to keep relying on what was, but to create what shall be. It is time to wake up. It is time to believe in something greater — and to start the negotiation.
Welcome to the main topic NEGOTIATION of our Newsletter, the March Edition. The month of the women and of a transformational awakening. Both in nature and in mind.
Our societies are changing. Our societal, political and economical structures, the known alliances of the world are crumbling. As vicariously new ones are arising, what can be seen in the powerful formation of the BRICS, what can be seen in the new parties popping up everywhere, what can be seen in the uprising of farmers and other professionals all over the world. I do not want to discuss the righteousness, for I believe that requires personal conversations and direct exchange, but I do want and need to show that it is happening, and discuss the effects this is having on all of us.
We are experiencing a world in deep transformation. And our souls have chosen to be here, to take part, passively or actively. And to those who haven’t noticed any of these changes yet, you better begin to get into it. Change is inevitable, and the more conscious, the more knowledgeable, the braver you become about those changes, the more you will be able to make use of them. Because what is, soon will be nothing but a memory (another law of life). And what will be, already is something, yet is not strong enough to stand on its own feet — this is were we, where you come in.
Transformation is always scary, for it requires you to make a move into the unknown.
Imagine you’re sitting surrounded by family, with many of your earthling siblings on a huge table. A feast right in front of you, your favourite drink at hand, and your favourite dish on your plate. You know you had to fight and negotiate with the others to assemble all the ingredients from the table, to finally manage to get this perfect meal ready just for you. Everything is set and great, all you have to do is to sit back, relax and start feasting.
Suddenly it feels like someone is slowly pulling the chair from underneath you and you cannot know when you will fall, yet you are sure it will happen sooner or later. You would have to turn around to stop the pull. But in order to do so, you would have to give up focus on your hardly accumulated perfect dish. Which is not so easy for you, because you know, if won’t eat your plate, one of your siblings eventually will, for this is what siblings do. So you decide to stop eating and drinking. You stop talking and listening. You stop being present, not noticing what’s going on around you, for all you put your attention to is that moment when you will fall off your chair.
Until then, you decide to hold still and keep grabbing your chair, no matter the costs. Behind you the bully brother or sister pulling the chair, now addressed as the enemy, and in front of you the non-helpful family which slowly starts to become the frenemy. How that?
Whenever someone tries to get you back into conversation you get angry and annoyed, for your focus is being averted from what you think is essential — your food. You slowly starve and dry out. Because of that, your family, in your mind, starts to become a severe threat to your wellbeing. Whoever tries to talk you out of it, telling you to get up and confront the bully pulling your chair, you increasingly identify as another enemy. You are so convinced of your doom, that you simply won’t do anything about it, but accept your nearing end, holding onto what you have under control, which is your focus on your meal, your hands grabbing the chair, and the family threat lurking to get your meal — which you, in no way possible can enjoy.
Slowly your food starts to rot, everyone around you is getting upset, for you waste your good meal and your attention. You are mad for they won’t understand your misery, nor help you out. Your mind is playing tricks on you, building up imaginary scenarios, that lead to physical reactions, which make your situation even worse and your ability to initiate change fades. Your mental state gets tarnished and your body gets weak, your family back-up now feels like a fraud, and your future looks dark.
Now let me ask you this: Who do you think is in charge of how you feel in this situation? Your family? The one pulling the chair? — You are! For you decided to be with your family. To sit on that table. To fight for your meal. To take this seat. For not having confronted the bully earlier, even though you knew that this is who they are. And so you took your decisions —one by one— that lead you here.
You must have had your good reasons not to walk away even though you knew, you would have to fight and negotiate with some of your siblings for food. You had your good reasons to end up here, even though a bully was present. And you had your good reasons to remain dining with a family, that comes with its own challenges. And so did everyone else have theirs. Everyone took their own decisions, and is entitled for their own reasoning. And if you want things to change, dynamics to change, the bully to stop doing what they always you, you must actively do it and change your ways, accept your reasonings, questions their validity, turn towards your ego, your fear, your doubt, our insecurity, your inner judgement, your bravery and your family, requesting negotiation, initiating change. If you wait for the right moment, it’s always now. If you wait for someone else to do your part, they may never come.
No-one is obliged to make your life easy and happy. People can choose to walk it with you, but must be allowed to do so on their own terms and in their own ways. And you can walk together and give each other comfort, teach each other lessons, or part ways. Which is the ultimate choice everyone has every day of their life.
No-one will come to your aid just the way you need it. People assist in the way they think is right. Your family helps you by talking you into finding bravery. The bully helps you to step up for your needs, teaching you to seek trust in your alliances. But eventually it's your job to find the right way, the right time. If it disturbs your peace, then it’s your learning, your lesson. One thing is for certain, when you start helping yourself, negotiating with yourself about your true options, accepting the lesson as your own, then others can and will come to cheer your course and comfort you on your journey.
Now let’s get back to our feast. What’s the main issue here anyway? The fact that someone pulls your chair? Maybe. And as stated above, that should be addressed. But in order to do so, you will have to turn around. Now, why is it so hard (for most of us) to let go of something we have accumulated, in order to address a necessary change, that could give all of us some peace of mind and the option to truly feast and share our harvest in good faith and good company?
Is it really that scary, to let go of what we have, even if we can’t make use of it? Is it really worth it building up hate towards a sibling we accuse to be the aggressor, but can’t be sure of? Is it really worth questions all those who want to wake us up, just because they ask us to look? Wouldn’t it be easier to take our chances and turn around, look for ourselves what is really going on in order to resolve the issue, and find a solution to avoid that same problem in the future? To then come back, and in case the food is gone, keep some trust in finding new alliances on the table (because there is always an alliance!), that will not only share their food with us, but protect us from theft the next time, for we have tamed the bully and ease the dynamic?
And who is in charge here? Our fear? Or our ability to guide it? — The ability of conscious choice making and mindful negotiation.
The human species is fascinating to me, for we CAN choose what to think about. We CAN alter the state of our subconscious mind, and even our autonomic nervous system, which is called as such, for it autonomically controls our main bodily functions. We CAN transform and shape the world we live in. We CAN choose to renegotiate and reconsider if one is really a friend or an enemy. We CAN address anything and everything, if we dare to look and listen for real. We CAN, out of good faith, decide to live with courage and trust. We CAN take part in what we think is unchangeable. We CAN restructure societies that feel safe. We CAN have achievements over and over again. If we have done it before, we will be able to do it again. We CAN choose whom to trust and whom to believe, and change our minds when their actions are proving otherwise. We CAN come together and negotiate everything and anything, once we understand that all human beings essentially seek and work along the lines of: Physiological Needs, Safety, Love & Belonging, Esteem, Self-Actualization.
Conscious transformation is who we are and our biggest asset, our human superpower. So why don’t we make use of it?!
We see and we hear it everywhere. People arise against what was and what is, and request something new. That NEW needs definition, and who is to give it, if not those who live it: the people. You and I. We must expose ourselves to all that is going on, not only to what it is we want to believe, in order to negotiate ALL best options. We must understand that right and wrong, heaven and hell, are essentially the same thing. It’s just a matter of perspective. And in order to define honestly what shall be considered the right way in a new society, we must listen to all. Which is why we need to keep our rights to negotiate and therefore our rights to: Freedom of speech, freedom of thought, freedom of lifestyle, freedom of choice, freedom of belonging.
There is an old saying: ‘Freedom is reserved to those who make active use of it’.
So it is on us, to start the active process of liberating ourselves from false prejudices and dishonest safety, from hindering behaviours and limiting beliefs, from bias and segregation, from feeling superior and thinking that we need someone else to tell us, what is right and what is wrong. We KNOW. We may not know all, no-one does, but we know what feels right to us. And what doesn’t.
And even though we cannot know what is really going on behind closed doors, closed minds, closed hearts. We cannot even know what others want, or what they fight with and for — or why. But what we can know, is how we feel about it and how we would like to answer to the changes we see happening. We can know what we would love to see instead, and who we would want to have by our side and why, those we would want to turn to in times of crisis and prosperity. We can consciously focus on what it is we do know, and turn away from working on the grounds of assumptions and insecurities. I believe we can and should negotiate with those, who in our eyes should change their ways, if we are willing to grant them the same right.
I understand our time requires patience and self-discipline, kindness and wisdom, bravery and willpower, creativity and collective exchange. A lot to ask when much is at stake. But once we get in control over our own emotions, thoughts and behaviours, before judging others on the claims that may or may not be true, we unlock the chance to ultimate freedom. Going from freeze to response. Going from procrastination to change.
Once you get into it, it can’t be stopped. You’ll feel it in your cells. You’ll get brave. You’ll feel trust and hope once again. You’ll want to move and leave your plate and turn around and face the bully and listen to their story and find ways how to get along and how to draw healthy lines and you will find new allies and build an esteem and a self-actualisation no-one could ever take away from you. Once you understand that your asset is not what you have, but what you can do, — it’s not that food on your plate, but the ability to negotiate for it— you are free.
Another saying I keep using repeatedly: ‘Diplomats never get angry, they just take notes.’.
Coming from a diplomatic household I can assure you one thing: everything can be solved, when negotiations are considered the best option. On the battlefields and in the madness of an occupied mind and an occupied civilisation, only one thing can grow, and that is distrust and destruction. But when opposing parties acknowledge common goals, they can discuss how to deal with the uncommon rest, and freedom stands the greatest chance. As this is what the diplomats are sent out to stand for and miraculously perform, every day of their lives.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I think it is time to practice negotiation where- and whenever possible. So we all can be ready, when negotiations are finally considered to make the inevitable transit peace- and hopeful.